Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

“Yes, I breastfeed the beans…”

The villains of Bad Lip Reading are back to putting words in people’s mouths. Which, in the case of Ron DePuddingfingers, is [chef’s kiss]. Enjoy…

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Miracle workers, really. Someone made him sound better.

Cheers and Jeers to Tuesday, July 18, 2023

Note: If you want a bracket, get a bracket. If you have a bracket, leave the bracket. {] [ [}]

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By Numbers:

Days until Easter: 257

Days until the beginning of NYC Restaurant Week: 6

Expected start date of the 10-day UPS boycott: 8/1/23

Estimated value to US economy in the event of a strike: $7 billion

Cost in 1945 to build a “floating ice cream” yard to supply ice cream to small warships in the Pacific that could not make their own ice cream: $1 million

Ice cream barge capacity: 10 gallons every 7 minutes

Many chances are that Covid-19 was created to save the Chinese and the Jews, according to RFK Jr. swearing on tape is true: 0%

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Puppy Day Photo: In Carver County, Minnesota…..You are saved!!!

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CHEERS to see the light. Like a blind squirrel who gets the occasional nut, the blind nut Marjorie Taylor Greene — a member of Congress who recently left the House Freedom caucus for being too loopy even for them — stumbled upon the truth at a meeting of the MAGA knuckledraggers. in the sinking state of Florida. What makes it interesting is that thinks this is an insult:

“[Democratic President Lyndon Johnson’s] The main socialist programs were the Great Society.

The Great Society was the federal government’s largest programs to address education, health care, urban poverty, rural poverty, transportation, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, and welfare, the Office of Economic Opportunity, and major labor and service organizations.

“Now, LBJ had the Great Society, but Joe Biden had Build Back Better, and he’s still working on it. The biggest public investment in social and environmental issues that is completing what FDR started that LBJ expanded, and Joe Biden. is trying to complete, socialism.”

He answered 46^Th The President: “I’m Joe Biden, and I accept this message.”

JEERS to the angry snow team. Here’s the thing about cults: as long as their leader is still in charge, they won’t give up on themselves. So here we are, two and a half years later the MAGA team is trying to destroy it United States government by destroying the Capitol, and prison sentences are still being handed out to unrepentant rebels like this police officer. By now it’s a well-known story: the greatest activist in society (“Hang the traitors!” “Go to their workplaces and homes, pull them out by their teeth and hang them for treason!”) who turn into weeping lilies separated from religion. This woman, who has only been in prison for six years, is a classic case study:

“My whole life’s dream has been taken away because people have different politics than mine,” [Audrey Ann] Southard-Rumsey said, the site reported.

Sitting before US District Judge Amit Mehta, he added, according to CBS: “I have complaints because they don’t listen to us at the polls. They don’t listen to us little people in a conservative country. … [Think about] which I must now leave. It’s not fair!”

Make sure you give the terlets a good shine with your toothbrush, ladies. And don’t worry about us out there. We’ll screw it up until 2029 without you as best we can. (But, full disclosure: I’m dating your husband.)

CHEERS to the current chain of command. Seventy-six years ago, over July 18, 1947President Truman signed it Presidential Succession Act, which clearly determines who will take over if the president dies or becomes incapacitated. Here is the current list, which is much better than it looked a few years ago except for the dangers you will see right away:

Vice President Kamala Harris (The first female president? I’m fine.)

Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy (A fact I refuse to let sink in.)

Senate President pro tempore Patty Murray (Washington apples are free for everyone.)

Sec. of the State Anthony To blink (A. Blinken?…Abe Lincoln? I say he should be allowed to jump high for that. But only if he wears a stovepipe hat.)

Sec. of Treasury Janet Yellen (Can we just take a moment to thank Steve Mnuchin for all the weeks he’s been gone… and ask if all the gold in Fort Knox was counted after he left?)

Gary Housekeeper (In all fairness, if he can clean up vomit in the school cafeteria, he can Washington.)

Dopey (This would not be good because he would be small with world events.)

After that he just started drawing random names on Congresswoman Virginia Foxx’s belt.

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SECOND LOSS

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WORDS STRENGTHEN ENJOYMENT END

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CHEERS for Democrats it’s the right thing. Happy 102nd birthday to the late John Glenn, one of the strongest men who ever lived. Not only was he the first American astronaut to orbit the Earth, he later became the tallest man in space when he blasted off in the Shuttle. Discovery to 77 years old.

I don’t plan on having much on my Billystone when I die, but one thing you’ll read on it will be, “John Glenn Was My Freakin’ Senator”. It’s probably a shout-out if the artist gives me a volume discount.

CHEERS emergency preparedness. What’s this? Corporations connected to Big Oil are real to take action??? Since April Fools’ Day is three months in the rearview mirror, it must be true. Public bodies and public bodies they are staying this week in Portland Harbor teaching what to do if We always have an oily problem on our hands:

Boats will launch from the Bug Light boat ramp in South Portland…

…and it will work on land In front A river around the Sprague Energy Terminal on both Portland and South Portland beaches. Marine boats will be seen in the river from Casco Bay Bridgeand Veterans A reminder Bridge and Interstate 295 on In front A river.

The public sector will deal with the disaster by using the latest technology to contain the fuel quickly and efficiently, protecting the health of the port and its inhabitants with fins and fur. Big Oil businessmen stand on the beach in hardhats yelling at government officials through bullhorns: “We use a paper towel! You should try a paper towel! Here, have a paper towel! We’re going to lunch now but we’ll be back in three hours with extra paper!” The message: they care.

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Ten years ago at C&J: July 18, 2013

CHEERS setting the democratic parameters on “Stun”. After two years of Ferenghi obstruction in the Senate, Admiral Harry Reid stopped blinking long enough to use his Vulcan ideas and get Obama’s nominee to be released on his tractor trailer. Captain Richard Cordray is now Starfleet’s Director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. It’s a work in progress: looking for new bamboozlers and new ways to rip—defiantly managing the consumer scene where it’s never been changed. Their happy ending accomplished, everyone retires to the holodeck for a round of golf. And in other news, I watch a lot of TV.

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And only one…

CHEERS to today’s great joy. Today is National Caviar Day. I’m sure you’re itching, as am I, to send the butler to the walk-in refrigerator to dig into your sparkling stash. But before you do, make sure they don’t interfere:

Fine caviar should not be sent or stored in metal because of the oxidation that can give a metallic taste to the fruit (yes, what a small egg is called correctly). Serve the caviar very cold and it is inside a bowl or a container with ice to keep it fresh and cold.

Choose servers made of glass, bone, wood or plastic. If you want to go traditional, try mother-of-pearl or gold.

Although I try to overdo it, try not to eat two ounces or two cups of caviar is considered a social norm.

And no matter what, my fellow Kossacks, no, ever Pour any caviar on your Manolo Blanhiks. They drive people out of country clubs with less.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open… What are you enjoying and laughing about today?

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C&J’s Shameless Modern Evidence

Save Ohio Republicans (And All Republicans) Out Cheers and Jeers Kiddie Pool!

–Wonkette

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