How people-pleasing develops in young children? Signs to spot and what parents should do to avoid it

According to Dr. Nicole LePera, here are some ways to heal people pleasing:

1. Begin to connect to yourself, your own needs, + your own body. This step is most important because as a child your needs often weren’t met. Healing involves starting to meet your own needs before the needs of others.

2. As a child, disappointing someone may have meant you were punished, shamed, rejected, or completely ignored. This was scary + painful. As adults, recovery is about understanding that disappointment is part of life. And adults are capable of feeling disappointed.

3. Boundaries are your friend. People pleasers don’t have boundaries because they typically weren’t modeled. You aren’t responsible for how people react to your boundaries – that’s their responsibility.

4. Notice each time you make a decision. From simple decisions (what’s for dinner, what to wear on a date) to larger decisions like (career choices, where to live, who your partner is, or how to handle a crisis situation) notice how often you involve other people. If you find yourself getting constant advice in input it’s likely you’re overly concerned with perception. Before asking others for input, sit with yourself. Begin to ask yourself what you want, what you think, what you need. This is the path to self-confidence.

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